This information is mirrored from https://web.archive.org/web/20110826023602/http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/ritual_abuse/72860
Trigger warning: this article contains a strong Christian message.
I am often asked, “Why have you chosen to write so openly on the topic of ritual abuse and mind control?” (Translation: Are you nuts? A secret worker for the cult giving out disinformation? Do you have a secret death wish if the information you share IS accurate?).
I have chosen to be vulnerable, and share from my own memories and experiences for several reasons. Not because I am inviting harm from the group I left; I want to expose them as liars. Not because I am “nuts”, but because I am healing. Not to disinform, but to help others.
I know how lonely the healing process can be. I know how often what a survivor reports to their therapist or their supporters seems unbelievable, and the survivor (and sometimes the therapist as well!) wonders, “Is what I remember really true? Can people really do this to each other?” Or the need for validation. Early in my healing, as I remembered names and dates of information that seemed incredibly cruel, I wanted to know that I was not alone. It was hard. I would ask my therapist, “Have you ever heard of this before?” and honest person that he was, he would respond, “No.” This was from someone working with a group that specialized in ritual abuse. In fact, the head of the program once took me aside, and said, “You know more than my own therapists about this (programming).” I had already figured that out.
If by sharing a little of my own healing journey, it helps others understand ritual abuse better, governmental mind control, and the process of healing, then the articles will be worth it. If it helps one survivor break through programming and heal, it is worth it.
People ask me, “Why aren’t you dead?” (ie “why hasn’t the cult come and gotten you and punished you for writing what you do?”). My answer: Because they are NOT all powerful, as they claim. They are out and out liars. Because I have safe outside accountability, and because I am in ongoing therapy with an excellent therapist.
And, because of the true source of healing, which I will share here.
One of the most difficult tasks for a survivor of severe cult abuse and mind control is overcoming a lifetime of lies. I was told when part of the group that the Illuminati would run the world. That they are on the verge of a complete takeover. That everyone was just a helpless pawn who would either help them, or be crushed.
But the Word of God has an answer to this in Psalm 2, one of my favorite psalms. “Why are the nations in an uproar, and the people devising a vain thing? The kings of the earth take their stand, and the rulers take counsel together, against the Lord and against His anointed…” (sound familiar? Rich kings and rulers plotting together to rule and fight against God? But look how God views them): …He who sits in the heavens laughs, the Lord scoffs at them. Then He will speak to them in His anger and terrify them in His fury: ‘But as for Me, I have installed my King upon Zion, My holy mountain.”God sees the plots to rule the world as laughable, and the end result worthy of His derision. Mankind may make plans to wrest control of the world, but in the end, God has HIS ruler appointed, and there is nothing that the Illuminati, the NWO, the CIA, or any other group can do to change this fact.
This takes a lot of the fear away. God wins! We know that no matter what happens temporarily, God will allow His Son to rule as our true King throughout eternity.
And, my favorite verse at the end of this psalm shows where true healing comes: “How blessed are all who take refuge in Him!”
In my own life, true healing has come as I cried out to God for His comfort. To be honest, much of the horror and pain that I experienced as a young child goes beyond belief, and psychology CANNOT heal it, or bring comfort or sanity. Yes, outside support helps, but the greatest source of my own healing has been running to God, and asking for His help. When I have struggled with suicide programming inside, I have cried out to heaven for strength and faith, and that it would break (it did). When psychotic programming has kicked in, and I have lain in bed for hours, shaking, teeth shattering, with terror beyond belief that was unrelieved even by spiritual warfare, only crying out and asking Jesus to hold me in His arms has brought help. It drew me closer to Him as well.
When I feel alone, because I cannot at this point safely have contact with my mother or family of origin, only the knowledge that I have a heavenly Father who loves me can help fill the deep ache inside.
When my own children have shared their own pain, weeping because of the horrific abuse that they endured, only the love of God through the Holy Spirit could help me pray, “God, I hate what they did to my children, but help me to forgive.”I hate what the demonic did to myself and my children. But I want to forgive those who hurt me. This is a process, with ups and downs, and I come to God, and give Him my feelings, or even my despair that I am numb and CAN’T feel at times.
But when depression threatens to blanket me, I remember that “Blessed are those who take refuge in Him.” And I go to the real source of healing, the only one that I have found, the One who loves me and cares for me, who truly understands what I and others have been through. There is no condemnation in His love, there is forgiveness for my past; there is no judgement for my being needy, weak, exhausted, or fighting intense emotions as I battle old messages and programming; instead, there is the still, quiet comfort that is the rock beneath, and the source of sanity when I remember the insane. And this is where I find my courage, and the ability to write what I do, in the hope that it will bless and help others as well in their healing journey. Because it is a lonely journey, but I am not alone.