BORN LOSERS UNITE!
Did you ever look in the mirror & feel disgusted? Do you have the miraculous ability to be disgusting to everyone else too? Does everyone get up from the table when you sit down to eat? Do you feel stupid most of the time? Did you notice you happened to born during the generation that will see the Apocalyptic plagues– famines & earthquakes, which will cause people’s hearts to fail for fear, and you’ve already started attracting your own plagues! Great, I think we have some things in common.
I want my fellow losers to join me. Yep, starting Loser’s Anonymous. Yep, you and I. When we tell a joke, they laugh at us, not the joke. We’re dogfaces. We’re so ugly that we attract everything ugly in life. Big piles of ugliness. Big oceans of ugliness. Big galaxies of ugliness. Hell, big universes of ugliness. They can’t fit all my ugliness into this world. We’re such losers they won’t waste time crucifying us let alone even take the time to look at us. Anyway our lives are a dress rehearsal for judgment day. We’re the reason God tried to destroy the world, why he cursed creating mankind and why he left the temple. Since then, we’ve been the target of stupid self-help books. Smiling faces on successful people seem to mock our patterns of defeat.
Life is a bitch, everyone uses us for target practice, pincushions and outhouses, then tells us “have a nice day”. And we will be judged on how well we took it. You went to church, the preacher looked at you, and preached what a vile worm you are. On judgment day we get to find out how vile we are compared to the other worms. We were born to die & be judged. So stand there and take it like a born loser should.
Truth is, you & I, we’re not even good at being bad, we just happen to be born losers. We’re the kids the bear ate. We’re the prodigal son that the father didn’t want back. We’re the accidental solution to vampirism. I’m the first person God decided not to honor His promises for, and perhaps you are the second. We think the expression “If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all” was written about us. But in a perverse way, we serve a purpose; mothers tell their children, “That’s what you’ll grow up to be if you don’t eat your spinach.” We’re the bad example mothers use to frighten their children. “Don’t grow up to be like them.” Yes, that’s us, naturally born trouble.
We’re the wandering souls who have the pathological habit of telling the truth when no one wants it. We were too stupid to play all their games. No, we had to keep opening our mouths & inserting our dirty feet after conducting a survey of the world’s barnyards. We had to keep staring at all the naked fat emperors & spot everyone’s dirty laundry, and just had to point it out, when everyone knows that dirty laundry & naked emperors don’t exist. No wonder we were the persons to put the shrink in the nuthouse. The only conciliatory gesture that might halfway appease the world is if we got lost on a remote island and died. Even that would not atone for our sins.
And the guy who came to deal with our sins, well, we’re the reason he left! He is the guy whose name became a curse word, and if you and I keep at it, so will ours. He is the guy that most paths lead away from, who is known as either a lunatic, liar or lord. Another person for our Loser’s Anonymous. He was like us in all things. (HEB 2:17) He was ugly too. Now everyone thinks the loser looks like them. The Chinese think he looked Chinese. The Africans think he looked like an African. The Italians think he looked Italian. It’s like he was an abstract painting that no one can interpret. Sure he saved a few lepers that no one cared about, but when it came to something really meaningful like saving his own life, he failed. He didn’t have a good salary, nice car, and was homeless. He had to borrow an undersized donkey just to come to town. Seems God had this plan that if this born loser could endure being a born loser, and suck up all the whole world’s dirt, he’d let the whole batch of losers into heaven. I know it makes no sense, but heck, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, just accept it, in case He changes His mind.