Mattheo (Matthew) was the primary father I loved when I was growing up, and during this time I both loved him more than anyone in the world, and hated him for his abuse of me. Complex emotions, indeed, which I dealt with by dissociating them into different parts before healing.
When I was in my late 20’s, Mattheo became the occultic Superior General (SG) of the Jesuit Order – their black pope. On the occultic side, this is different than the individual who is publicly known as the “black pope” since the Jesuits never let it be publicly known who their real generals and black pope are. The occultic SG is the one with the real authority in the Order, though.
After becoming SG, he wrote a poem about the passing of his mentor (the previous SG) and his feelings upon taking up this role and responsibility. I knew about the poem, because he had shared it with me privately at one point. But when he died 17 years ago, his poem was found and the decision to set it to music was made.
Because Mattheo played the cello, and loved it most, the original music was created for cello lead, with violin, drums and harp. It was slow and sad, and beautiful, and the song was played at his funeral in his honor.
The decision was also made to release the song publicly as well, in honor of his passing. The song was given to a band, which created a much more upbeat and snappy tempo. The song was released (about a couple years after) as what was publicly known as “Viva la Vida” (it had a different name originally).
I have decided to share the meaning behind the words in this post, that the Jesuits understood, in the lyrics below.
I used to rule the world – the Jesuits believe that the SG really does “rule the world” since they influence the politics and receive obeisance from the heads of many countries
Seas would rise when I gave the word –this is part of his occultic training, which includes training to control the elements and even weather to some degree
Now in the morning I sleep alone-Being the SG, and losing his mentor, meant Mattheo felt alone
sweep the streets I used to own.-One of Mattheo’s favorite stories was of the king who traded places with a street sweeper; it also shows that he could play any role
I used to roll the dice, feel the fear in my enemies’ eyes-he had killed many in his lifetime, and made the decision who would be killed or not in numerous situations while he was a leader in the order
Listen as the crowd would sing “Now the old king is dead, long live the king.” –his mentor had just died, and now Mattheo was SG. In the occultic Jesuit Order, the previous SG is normally killed psychically – a theta kill – with the incoming SG leading several of his generals in doing so. I was present when this occurred.
One minute I held the key, next the walls are closed on me. –he held the key to victory, as he “won” over his mentor, but feels now trapped by having to be in the very heavy and difficult role.
And I discovered that my castles stand upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand. –he is realizing that everything he fought for and worked towards is transient and will one day cease to exist.
I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing – the Jesuit Order refers to the Vatican and Rome as “Jerusalem” sometimes in their private speech and programming; this refers to the bells heard ringing in Rome and the Vatican churches when the previous SG dies.
Roman Catholic choirs are singing, – choirs sing within the Vatican to proclaim the death of the previous SG and honor the incoming one.
Be my mirror, my sword, my shield, –this is part of the oath that the Order makes to their new SG. This oath is also first made when a Jesuit child becomes a father at the coming of age ceremony at 13. When a Jesuit father becomes a general or a councilor, this oath is also repeated. During the oath-taking ceremony, the oath-giver will receive a small mirror on a necklace from their primary mentor who states that every man needs a mirror (someone to reflect to them regarding their behavior and how they treat others and themselves, who is honest; this ‘mirror’ is often the primary programmer; Mattheo gave me my mirror when I became a father, then again when I became a general, and promised to be my ‘mirror’). The sword represents the oath to give one’s sword to defend Rome and the Order; the shield is the willingness to defend the SG with one’s life.
Be my missionaries in a foreign field, –the entire Order makes this oath when they become a father (at age 13), to the current SG; this vow is renewed to the new SG
For some reason I can’t explain, Once you’re gone there was never, never an honest word. –Mattheo felt that once his mentor had died and he achieved the status of SG, that he would never hear a truly honest word from others; his mentor was the last person to ever be truly honest with him.
And that was when I ruled the world. –because now he is SG.
Listen as the sound of drums, –played when the old SG passes and the new replaces him.
people couldn’t believe what I’d become.-I believe in the original poem, the line was “I couldn’t believe what I had become” – he could not believe that he had killed his beloved mentor.
Revolutionaries wait for my head on a silver plate, – knowing that one day, someone from the next generation of Jesuit fathers would do the same to him.
just a puppet on a lonely string. –a reference to his own programming and realization of how lonely and trapped he is.
Ah, who would ever wanna be king? –this role is difficult, dangerous and entails a lot of responsibility, as well as the loss of a beloved mentor
I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing, Roman Catholic choirs are singing,
Be my mirror, my sword, my shield, my missionaries in a foreign field,
For some reason I can’t explain, I know Saint Peter won’t call my name. –a reference to his deep internal knowledge that he has done things that are against God; his belief that he cannot be saved especially after just killing his mentor.
Never an honest word, but that was when I ruled the world.
It was a wicked and wild wind, –an acknowledgement of the theta spirits that enabled him and two others to ‘take out’ the previous SG
that blew down the doors to let me in. –spiritual forces that took out the old SG and let him into the role of SG
I loved Mattheo and cried when he died. This poem expresses how difficult taking on this role was for him, and how lonely he felt once he took it up. But it also expresses some of the terrible realities that those in the Order deal with, and the incredible feeling of being trapped that occurs, even in the highest ranks.
My prayer is that many of those trapped will choose to become free.
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