ECO STRESSES. 12 NOVEMBER 2019
I wanted to write a quick, short post on just 2 eco problems facing us. A few of us have been warning that we are in a mini ice age. The wet, cold fall has damaged the harvest…in some regions the crops can’t be harvested. This means in short that various crop yields will be less, seed supplies will be reduced, and some farms will not be able to feed their animals. Meanwhile, the elite controllers find all kinds of excuses to pay farmers less…so thousands of family farms are going bankrupt.
PENSION DEFICITS. A number of years ago retirement pension funds began lying to people that they could give them 7% returns for their money. 31 million elderly placed money into pensions…which now stand at $22.5 trillion. However, as those of us who were honest warned those promises were lies. Now there is a $6 trillion shortfall (deficit) in pension funds. One common source of funding was short term treasury bills. If the managers of these funds begin cannibalizing their funds to make reduced payments by not replacing maturing treasury securities, then they will have even less income. At this time, many pensions have drastically reduced their payment checks thereby economically stressing retirees. The pension funds have painted themselves into a corner that they can’t get out of.
The elite have wanted these eco stresses. This next year will be “interesting” as around the world food and financial crises hit. Sorry to have to give a heafs up on this…but its better to be prepared than not. May the loving Lord bless you dear friend.
Sojan I wrote a really long comment, I hope all of it was able to post and it didn’t get cut off half way or something. In case it didn’t get processed because it was too long, I just want to say here that I wanted to private message you but again, like I said before I think I have social anxiety disorder at the very least (if I don’t have DID, I still don’t know whether or not I have DID), and also I think its being exacerbated by the fact that trying to figure out whether or not Ive been abused by a satanic cult is scary. Also, when the other comment does get processed please don’t let it get put here publicly because what is said is meant to be private, I dont care if the moderator read whatever im saying but i dont want random people seeing it. I mean, not that you would want me putting a off topic sort of lunacy ramble here from me, lol, but anyway its just .
Also I don’t know how annoying me commenting here is instead of just signing in to my account to private message you private message you but I don’t know, sorry.
I feel like reality isn’t even real and this is a dream world……
also i forgot to this this before but please erase my name from my account i didnt mean to put that public, it was a really dumb accident, I dont know how Im such a ditz sometimes, lol
At this point im not even suicidal or not suicidal, im just so abjectly confused about reality in general that its extended over to confusion about morality. Is it morally wrong for me to be alive, or it morally wrong for me to die?
How do I tell whether or not im a good person or an evil person? I want to be a good person but i cant even evaluate whats going on. because some buddhist texts say that buddhist people are supposed to put up with any kind of torture and abuse from others without getting upset, but i dont know how to do that. Jainism says plants have souls, and food is made from plants, so am i evil just for eating food? I want to go to india to be a jain nun but i dont know how im going to do that. especially if i have DID and am currently being abused and controlled by a satanic cult, i really hope im not
In my life what i conciously remember is that i wanted to be a nun since i was 15 (but i couldnt decided which religion i wanted to be a nun in until this year, i just wanted to be a nun in some religion), and then from then i didnt do lying, stealing, killing, harming others, drugs, sex, alcohol, eating meat, or anything else unreligious/unspiritual (and im 19 now), also im pretty sure didnt really do anything stuff before i was 15 either (unless i did in the cult, but i dont know know if i have DID let alone remember any stuff i did in the cult if i am/was in there).
I dont want to hurt any living beings, i dont want any living being to experience suffering, I think that even the evil bad humans and extraterrestrials deserve and to be happy too, because I think living beings only do bad things because they are suffering.
I feel like everyone in my life had always been merciless/cruel/sadistic to me, but also that feels like fake memories and like it cant be true, i feel like im dreaming.
Who am I?
What is reality?
Why do I exist?
What’s moral and immoral?
Am I evil?
Why do I have to get hurt so much in life?
Why am I so dumb?
What do other people even want, what do people want from me? I just want everyone to be happy.
Am I losing my mind?
Have I already lost my mind?
Is this real life?
Can I even trust my own 5 senses?
What am I supposed to do?
I don’t know.
I can’t even think coherent thoughts.
Sojan I just want you to be happy. I wish everyone in the world was happy. I’m sorry if I said or did anything evil to you, or anyone one in the world, in this life, or in my past reincarnation lives. Im so sorry but i dont even know how to express what im sorry about. Im just sorry.
Everyone whos ever hurt me: I forgive them and I just want them to be happy. I think that whenever anyone does evil, they don’t even really know what they’re doing. Ive gotten beaten up, bruised up pretty bad, and yelled at lots of times by my family members when i was a kid, but Im not angry about it, I just want the people who hurt me to be happy. and i want everyone in the world to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy.
Except……maybe not me. Maybe I don’t deserve to be happy.
Maybe I did something really bad at some point but I dont understand what I did wrong or why it was wrong? And I dont remember doing the bad thing or things? Im sorry.
But if I’m evil, then shouldn’t I be allowed to die? Why do I have to get tortured for eternity or what feels like eternity? How is it helping anyone if I’m sadistically tortured? Can the Satanist people only be happy when if and when I’m in pain? Why? What did I do wrong? and even if I did the worst thing ever, I’m just a human, shouldn’t the worst penalty for human evils be death only, and not being forcibly kept alive for extended torture? How would getting tortured turn an evil person into a good person?
If I was in charge of the universe, I would only try to cure people of being evil by being nice to them and trying to make them happy, that’s the opposite of torture. Two opposite things can’t be true at the same time, that’s illogical. I’m confused. Why is torture good for me but bad for everyone else? Why am I so special that I’m more evil than anyone else in the world? Is there really no one in the entire universe who is more evil than I am? Not even a demonic extraterrestrial? But why?
I wish I could cure everyone in the world of all their suffering, but I don’t know how to.
So I’m fasting to death because I’m so confused on so many levels. I don’t know how to repent for my sins. Isn’t death the worst penalty?
Sojan……I just want you to be happy. And I want everyone in the world to be happy.
I feel like I’m losing a grip on reality, I don’t have a firm grasp on who I am, what I am, where I am, why am I here, what am I supposed to be doing, what am I supposed to know that I don’t know, ect.
The saints can cast out demons, walk on water, heal the sick, have prayers miraculously answered, use telepathy, clairvoyance, and other supernatural abilities……..but I don’t think I’ve ever done any of that. I don’t remember ever doing anything like that.
I wish I was a saint, I think everyone wishes they were a saint, if if they aren’t in any particular religion, what someones idea of a saint is, they wish they were that.
It hurts me that human and other creatures in the universe have to suffer so much. Honestly, even a plant or insect bacteria. The Jains even believe that water, fire, and some other substances which seem to be non-living have small amount of soul in them. Maybe its true. I would rather say what I’m actually thinking then lie, lying is wrong. I feel like Digambara Terapanthi Jainism is the truest religion in the world, and I want to be a nun in that religion. I feel like the equivalent of a plant or bacteria. I can’t run away, or cry, or scream, or get angry, or fight back, or communicate that I’m alive too and I can feel pain like any other living creature, that I don’t want to suffer. That how it is to be a plant.
Only if you accept that plants and insects and bacteria and maybe even water have souls too could you understand my pain. And it’s easier to accept the idea that plants have souls then it is to try to have compassion for demons aka demonic extraterrestrial species, that’s an even more difficult level of pain. There isn’t just one Satan or devil, there many of them. And I’m never going to be happy unless all of them are able to escape hell and heal themselves to become humans, and until all evil humans are healed too. Never going to be happy until that happens.
The universe is so big and has so many kinds of living beings but I’m never going to be happy unless all of them are happy. If even so much as one bacteria, or one blade of grass, or even an extremely evil beyond comprehension demon is left behind, I’m not going to be happy. All living being have the potential to reincarnate as human, and all humans have the potential to reincarnate as angels, that’s what I believe is the truth.
I pray almost every day for God to have mercy on my soul and to forgive my sins. Even eating food is a sin to me (it’s a sin in Jainism) because food is plants and plants have souls which are equal to humans.
In order to justify myself and my beliefs, I feel like I need to be able to do some kind of miracle, but I don’t know how to do that. I feel helpless.
There’s something very wrong with me. If Digambara Terapanthi Jainism is really the true religion, then why can’t I do any miracles? I must not be practicing the Jain faith very well. In Christianity, there are very pious Christian who become saints, and can do miracles, and there are also struggling Christians, who do not become saints but are still Christians and still get to go to heaven. If even Christians can do incredible miracles, and they are practicing a religion which has some doctrinal errors, then why am I so evil that I even when I am lucky enough to find a religion which seems be more close to objective truth than Christianity is, why am I so helpless and pathetic and evil?
I hate myself so much for this. I’m supposed to be able to do miracles just through sheer will power via ascetic practices like fasting, missing sleep, not drinking water, exercising a lot, cutting my skin with a knife, ect. Right? That’s what Christian saints would do, and pretty much every religion has saints which practice severe asceticism which seems like self-torture.
But even if I could walk on water, cats out demons, use telepathy, clairvoyance, ect, I still would never think I was superior to anyone else. Why? Because all of the suffering I’ve gone through in life has been so extreme, that if karma exists, and I am simply experiencing the results of my karma from past reincarnations, then in my past lives I must have been the most evil living creature imaginable. It doesn’t matter how perfect I could potentially become in the future, because I’ll always know that I used to be so evil in the past, that I could never take pride enough to ever put myself above even a bacteria ever again.
That’s also why it’s so easy for me to forgive evil people (or evil demons/extraterrestrials). The suffering I’ve been through hasn’t made me a better person. Only the happiness I’ve felt in life has made me a better person. I feel like I am only a good person because of a divine intervention of God somehow making me able to feel small amounts of happiness in life despite my bad karma, and through that method God has made me able to not be as evil as the evilest people in the world, because I’m not suffering as much as the truly evil people. I think I’m infinity evil, but those people are infinity+1, however infinity plus any number is still infinity.
God fucking damn it why did I even write any of this crazy shit! I sound like a fucking lunatic! What the fuck! OMG!!! I’m sorry! I wish there was a delete button for comments I don’t even want to read what I just wrote here like 10 minutes ago. I feel like I have brain damage. I got involuntarily hospitalized twice before when I was younger but it didn’t help it. It was so creepy it had orange monarch butterflies all over the walls and on drinking water cups and orange monarch butterfly-print puzzles there. and the room I stayed in at the second hospitalization was numbered 1313. (has the number 33 in it…..hmm….)
Please delete all these comments off of here as soon as possible.