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Thank you. Can I ask what you mean about the social sabotaging? Like somebody unconsciously projecting a negative viewpoint of themselves out for another person to pick up and avoid them?
By sabotage I more mean a person will be irrational, avoid any points other than their own and generally drive the whole social interaction into the ground. So more external factors you can observe during the interaction. I’ve noticed this type of self sabotage with survivors and it’s more the influence of deeper cult alters and accessing.
For myself I also remember displaying similar behavior whenever a non approved cult person would enter into my life or provided me with an opportunity.
Survivors who never kept journals day by day and stuck with it, and whom never worked towards getting properly out day by day – usually get caught up in the darker sides of accessing and never get out and then eventually just forget the whole thing and are back to square one.
When other cult members involvement become unproductive for a survivor staying, or a waste of cult resources – only then I noticed they self sabotaged our relations with strange social behaviors and distance themselves.
There is also a chance that the survivor themselves can sabotage relationships without realising. I’ve done this before to people who would have been helpful, especially in my years of being unaware.
If known cult persons are still talking and contacting you then it may have the hidden motivation that there is a chance that person can get you back, or at least get a reply out of you for some information.
After some years of deprogramming I was able to spot the difference between social interactions with outsiders and cult members, so in that way the patterns are different.
And do you have any topics of suggestion for the social skills to learn or re-learn? Personally, I’ve found learning about discerning the middle ground types of relationships rather than those with complete detachment or complete attachment and how these work, has been helpful for myself and something I’ve needed to gain a better understanding and experience of.
I think a good place to start with this is becoming aware of abusive behaviors and social patterns. And then again it may also be different depending on a persons social situations, age and gender.
For myself I had to work with symptoms of battered woman syndrome. Reading those symptoms is spot on to the cycles of abuse that’s the norm in The Family. If a survivor attempts to leave, yet never learns new social skills then they will face many challenges when trying to interact with new people.
I’ve also had many embarrassing situations and times where I’ve learned fast. It’s only in my early 30s that I can talk to almost anyone and have normal relationships. Before then it was almost impossible, as I was unaware of a lot of the behaviors I had.
For female survivors being aware of these abusive cycles can also help them avoid abusive partners, cult or not. For males, being aware can also help to stop passing these behaviors to other people and projecting them onto others.
The meeting people and having very real deja vu of is interesting, and kind of terrifying. I suppose that is a fear of the unknown, and can hopefully be worked with.
It should be more an indicator that the person your interacting with is potentially part of the cult and the interaction has been pre planned. For me it’s more a warning sign to try get away from the person! Or at least be aware more of what is really happening.
I’ve had the deja vu feeling a lot in my past when meeting ‘new’ people or going to places I haven’t been to before. It was only in the past year I became more clued into what it may mean.
Other survivors may have had this feeling also, and I remember it being mentioned in a couple of other writings by survivors. So that’s why it really stood out the last time I had the same feeling and I realised it was cult related.
If you have this feeling then it maybe just a warning sign to try leave the social situation or person. In most cases the person will also say they also think they have seen me before! And will also mention that fact.