One of the most difficult issues for survivors who are trying to heal from cult-related mind control to deal with is emotions. Why is this?
In cases of extensive programming, the individual will have been tortured since they were in the womb, with one primary goal in mind: control of the person. As part of the dissociation, the individual will be taught to “give away” their emotions to demons and parts, who can “relieve” them of this intense pain.
Many times, controller parts will be highly logical, or be programmed to believe that they are “ascended” (above “mortal” feelings, which are considered base, earth-bound, and physical). The higher-order, or ascended systems in a survivor’s psyche will have bought since earliest infancy (or before) false beliefs such as:
- They are gods, angels or demons
- They are ascended beings
- They are immortals
- They have overcome their humanity
- They do not feel pain
- They do not have human emotions
This belief is based upon immense emotional and physical trauma. The types of traumas that create this type of belief can include:
- Killing the birth mother when the infant is born – and telling the infant it is his/her fault (this is very common in organized occultic groups, and creates great internal guilt which is used to control the individual, who is told they are a “mother killer” and other equally painful lies)
- Torturing the fetus in the womb, and telling them that the pain they feel is the “pain of mortality” and the only way to escape the pain is to “ascend” (by taking on a demonic or spiritual identity and spirit, which then shields from the emotional and physical pain, but continues the delusion and deception that the individual is an “ascended being” instead of a human being who has been heavily traumatized
The “Difficult Emotions” for survivors
Most presenter parts (the ones who normally enter into therapy) in survivors of mind control will have great difficulty in identifying or expressing their emotions in a healthy way. This is the result of a combination of factors which can include:
- Dissociation of strong feelings (programming to not feel; with a very stoic or numb presentation)
- Role models (parents, trainers, others) who were very unhealthy or abusive in their expression of emotions, and dismissed any expressions of feelings by the survivor throughout childhood (except to punish them)
- Unconscious fear that the emotion will overwhelm the survivor and they will not be able to handle it
Some emotions are particularly difficult for survivors to identify or express in healthy ways. But with healing, emotions do come, often with “flooding” when they first occur, until the traumatic events are dealt with, and the parts that underwent trauma can be comforted.
This emotion can be difficult for a survivor to deal with, because rage was often “sent” to parts whose job was to torture, punish or kill, either external people or internal parts. As a child, while undergoing close quarters combat training, or during martial arts training, they are told to “tap into” the rage to help increase their endurance and ability. Unconsciously, the survivor may associate anger/rage with these activities, and avoid their expression completely in their presentation. Alternatively, the survivor may have a very aggressive/hostile presentation that feels protected from sorrow, loneliness or rejection through responding with anger in situations that trigger these feelings. Either way, many survivors have difficulty processing and expressing intense anger or rage.
They may fear that they will “lose control” or even “kill someone” if the rage they fear comes forward.
It is important to help the survivor find ways to express the rage that has built up over the years, and develop connections between unfeeling parts and those that feel. This is done over time, with the “nonfeelers” gradually developing the capacity to feel, and to comfort the parts that may feel overwhelmed with feelings.
Anger, or any other emotion, often comes in strongly, peaks within 2 -3 days, then gradually begins to subside (the amount of time in the cycle will vary with the survivor, the amount of trauma, and the amount of support available to them). It can help to reassure the survivor that these feelings will NOT last forever, even though tapping into a lifetime of dissociated feeling can seem that way at first.
It can help to develop methods of coping with rage when it occurs. The activities that help most will differ with each person; for some, vigorous physical activity (hiking, running, boxing) or hitting a box with a bat will help. Hitting rocks with a sledge hammer (with goggles and protection worn) can also help. Using a therapy bat, and hitting a bed or other safe object can also help. It is important to have some accountability/supervision when first doing anger work because of the amount of emotion (which may seem scary to the survivor) coming out; and the possible need to be “talked down.”
In some instances, when a survivor gets in touch with the abuse memories and the associated rage, they may become homicidal for a time. Often, they may verbalize wanting to go find the perpetrator, and do to them what was done to the survivor. It is important to assess the degree of actual risk, and create a safety plan. The survivor needs to realize that going back and hurting perpetrators will place them in extreme jeopardy: they will be immediately accessed and tortured themselves in most cases; or, they will be harmed spiritually should they succeed in hurting the perpetrator.
Forgiveness is an important component of healing, but it cannot be rushed. All too often in Christian circles, there is a rush to put the Band-Aid of the words “I forgive them” without fully processing the extent of the loss the survivor incurred. This includes the rage at God that survivors feel, because ultimately, they blame Him for what they have been through. This will be addressed further in the chapter on anti-Christian programming.
Guilt is an extremely painful emotion for most survivors, for several reasons.
- It is often installed during prenatal programming, during which the fetus is asked if they want to live, or for the other (implanted zygotes) to live. During the first months of life after conception, the fetus will always respond “yes” – and then the zygote the programmer wished to get rid of is killed. This happens until there is only one embryo left – an embryo that experiences a lot of survivor guilt due to the death of the other embryos in the womb. This prenatal guilt programming was first developed by Mengele, and is the foundation on which self-punishment, punisher and other programming is placed.
- Throughout infancy and childhood, the survivor will have been taught to punish themselves. In a typical setup, if the survivor disobeys or hesitates, they are punished brutally for failure; or, someone they love (a twin, brother or sister, or beloved trainer) is punished for their failure. This causes extreme distress, and the child promises never to fail again. Internalized images of these loved ones are then punished if the child disobeys.
- The survivor will have blood guilt through participation in rites, rituals and sacrifices throughout a lifetime. If they are a trained assassin, this guilt increases, and the survivor may find it difficult to believe that God could truly forgive them.
- The survivor, as they recover memories, will eventually remember being a perpetrator, being forced to torture other infants, children, birth mothers, or to participate in other acts such as rape or punishing others. Most organized cult members are able to do at least basic programming on others, since this is a skill taught from earliest childhood in most groups. The survivor will then recover memories of becoming what they hated most – an abuser – and will need to deal with the resulting guilt.
- If the survivor has anti-Christian programming (and most do), they will have been forced to hurt an actor portraying “Jesus” or to nail other children to crosses, and to do acts that show their hatred of God and Christianity. They are then told, “God can never forgive you, He hates you because you did this” and the child believes this.
The survivor will need to hear frequently that God loves them and forgives them, since they will question this many times. They may have great difficulty believing that someone has committed the deeds they have can ever be forgiven.
Scriptures about the love of God can be helpful (although these may also have been used in anti-Christian programming), as well as books about forgiveness and grace; being kind to the survivor, and showing/modeling love and acceptance are helpful during this time of emotional struggle. The survivor and their parts will need to come to a point of finally accepting that what God says in His word is true: they are forgiven, regardless of what they have done, in spite of how they feel.
Shame is another painful emotion that many survivors experience. The survivor may feel shame regarding their sexual abuse, and the terrible forms this can take in occultic and mind control settings (including bestiality, necrophilia, prostitution, child abuse, etc.). They may feel shame because they were unable to fight the programmers; or because they “caved” or gave in to programming, or did things they hated doing.
Shame is the survivor labeling themselves negatively because of what they have done, and what they believe others think about them. Healing takes time, with lots of acceptance, the opportunity to process memories, and the abuse and degradation stopping. Again, providing love and helping the survivor understand they are accepted by others and by God, and that what they did was not their fault, can help. Often, they “caved” under conditions that would be intolerable for anyone; support people showing that the survivor is not judged by them is important to healing.
Many survivors experience rejection at numerous levels. They may experience:
- Self-rejection due to terrible wounds in the womb, such as the birth mother being injected with drugs that cause tremendous uterine pain; she will then scream to “get it out!” or something similar, causing a deep rejection wound in the fetus.
- Childhood rejections as part of the abandonment programming designed to bond the child only to those the group wants them to bond to. It is quite common for the parents in host families to reject or ridicule the child, to prevent their bonding with them, which would interfere with the bonds with the trainers.
- Rejection by members of the group if they try to leave; if the survivor is reaccessed, they will be kicked around, tortured, raped, and told that they are “evil”, a “traitor” and other things; members of the group will urinate and defecate on the survivor to show how they feel about them.
- Rejection by Christians who do not understand cult or mind control abuse, find it “scary” and who ask the survivor to leave their church; or who silently shun the survivor.
Rejection is painful, and is a base of recontact programming (i.e. “nobody can love you but the group”). The survivor will need support as they deal with their rejection and abandonment memories, and attempt to work at detaching from the cult, and attaching with non-cult support (which can seem frightening, since they may have no idea of how to do this). Understanding, empathy and caring can help the survivor through this painful time of experiencing the pain beneath their programming. By modeling acceptance, supporters are teaching the survivor how to accept themselves; the love of God is also critical to healing rejection wounds.
Most survivors battle loneliness through much of their journey. They are leaving a group that contains their deepest, most intimate relationships, and attempting to heal in a world that often does not understand what the survivor is going through (unless they are fortunate enough to find a good, knowledgeable therapist or support person).
The deepest loneliness a survivor may face is for themselves. The cult has taken away their history; caused them to dissociate their deepest feelings, and this causes a deep ache for truth and connection with the “real me” inside. Basically, the survivor is lonely for their core, who holds some of the strongest feelings and beliefs inside, and who has been carefully hidden beneath numerous layers of programming and demonic.
Again, a supportive, nonjudgmental relationship is important as the survivor works through the issues surrounding developing healthy, safe support. A real danger when loneliness hits is that the survivor, who misses loved ones in the cult, will rush to make new friends without prayer or discernment first. It is very common for cult groups to “send” friends or romantic relationships to survivors who are attempting to leave the group. They will seem well-meaning, caring, and very supportive of the survivor’s healing; but they will often have a job to do in their back parts.
It is also common for survivors to seek friendship with other survivors, but it the other survivors are unhealed (i.e. early in their healing journey and unaware of current cult activity), it is quite common for them to access one another, and pull each other back into cult activity. The survivor should always proceed with caution, and pray for discernment, before befriending another survivor; since they themselves could also be used in this way without conscious knowledge.
When a survivor breaks free of a cult group, they will go through a period of grieving. This is normal; although the abuse has stopped, they often will not feel “happy” for a long time. This is because they have cut off every meaningful relationship in their life, other than with God, and must take the time to grieve this loss. Yes, the relationships were abusive; yes, these people hurt the survivor. But these people are the survivor’s mother, father, brother, sister, children, best friends, and giving up their entire support system is extremely difficult.
The survivor who gets out of a cult knows better than most what Jesus meant by “counting the cost” to become free. They will also face grieving because of threats against the loved ones who did not get out; for many survivors, these threats are communicated through hand signals as people pass them in a mall; through subliminals online or on their cell phone; through videos of a loved one being tortured sent to their email address, or even direct contact (such as a loved one showing up weeping, who raises their shirt to show the bruises and cuts on their back that they endured because the survivor left).
When the survivor is grieving, it is important to sit with them, figuratively speaking, and let them mourn. They may be numb, in emotional shock, or they may cry nonstop for days at a time. They will want to talk about the loved ones left behind, and need to do this, to process the ending of the relationship as they knew it.
It does not help to continuously point out to the survivor that these people were evil abusers. They know this, deep inside; but they also love these people. This love/hate is what bonded them to the cult, and to doing their jobs; and is part of why they dissociated. Bringing down dissociation will involve remembering and grieving for these loved ones left behind.
Processing the grief will vary with the individual. Writing a letter to the loved one(s)(that is never mailed); planting a “memorial bush”, creating a collage, are all ways some have worked on their grief.
With time, grief does heal, and the survivor will be able to work on developing new relationships. It is important that the survivor allows themselves this time.
Hopeless despair is one of the most painful feelings that survivors can experience. It can be caused by:
- Extreme loss, including seeing loved ones tortured to death because the survivor is trying to leave the group; the programmers then blame the survivor for the death(s)
- Programmed despair (programming to believe that the survivor can never heal; or that God can never forgive them)
- Technology torture: this involves the brain being hit by microbursts of high frequency or low frequency waves in various locations, to stimulate the brain to experience extreme despair
- Core attachment pain coming forward: the realization that the survivor has been abused, manipulated, tortured and betrayed since conception by the people they bonded to most deeply; this creates the despair that it was “all for nothing” that the survivor performed for the group and survived torture over a lifetime (for the love of people that they now realize horrifically abused them)
When the survivor is in hopeless despair, it does not help to:
- quote scriptures at them (although this will help at a future time),
- Tell them to “get their act together” or ask them “where is your faith?” since they already feel bad enoughWhat does help is to acknowledge to them that you understand that they are in deep pain, and sit with them and synchronize. This is one of the most difficult things a support person can do, since you will want to “rescue” the person from their pain, or feel bad that you can’t help them feel better right away. The LORD is the one who will minister to the survivor, as they get in touch with their feelings and they express the feelings to Him. Core attachment pain takes time to work through, and cannot be rushed (please see chapter on “working with the core” for more on this topic). Sexual FeelingsSexual programming is installed from earliest infancy in most survivors. Programmers will sexually abuse the infants during diaper changes; during bonding times, and will sexually torture the infants while tech stimulating the pleasure centers in the brain to create sadomasochistic parts that enjoy sexual torture. Everyone the survivor knows and loves has sexually abused them, and this is considered part of a “love” bond, which creates soul and demonic ties. The survivor may never have experienced any relationship in their life that did not involve sexual abuse, and they may have sexual parts come out that “test” the supporter. In 7 X 7 programming, one of the torture lines will be extreme sexual arousal, designed to cause the survivor to seek out a sexual partner (with resulting reaccessing); or to turn to demonic sex for relief. First, it can help to acknowledge that the feelings are there. It is not the survivor’s fault that this was installed, and they need to realize that this too can be forgiven. Deliverance from lust and other demonic can help decrease the severity. At times, these parts will feel hurt or offended if the support person does not take them up on their offers; after all, this is how people “love” one another in their thoughts. With time, patience and caring, they will come to understand that someone can truly care for them without wanting a sexual relationship. TerrorThe terror is often based upon highly realistic virtual reality, which replays the infant’s prime terrors. These include:
- When a survivor begins to work hard at undoing their programming, often there will be retaliation from internal punishment and reprogramming systems – and they will feel terror. This terror is instilled purposely, from the first tortures in the womb (such as when the trainers cut off fetal digits, which regrow if done early in development) to the most recent access.
- If the survivor chooses chastity (recommended for spiritual and safety reasons) they will be in prayer over these feelings; they do decrease over time as the survivor chooses to not act out on the feelings. Acceptance of the parts, and helping them to see that it is possible to be loved without automatic sexual abuse is a big component of healing, since it brings new information to these parts, and a new worldview to operate from.
- The survivor will need support as they grieve the sheer extent of the abuse; and with breaking soul ties with former sexual partners.
- How can the survivor cope with feelings that can produce shame in the presentation, possible annoyance in the helper if they attempt seduction, or painful body sensations?
- Information may have been put in a sexually aroused state, which is a natural amnesia barrier, since the information can normally only be recovered when the individual is in that state (although with the LORD’s help, the information can be recovered without arousal).
- Simply put, the survivor has been raised in a highly sexualized environment, and at first, will not understand or know what to do with the feelings that come up. If they are in a truly safe house, the time spent there may be the first days since birth that the survivor has not had sex with someone.
- The infants are stretched with special instruments so by the time they are two, they can accommodate an adult penis without severe damage. Infants are stimulated to experience multiple orgasms with vibrators as a “reward” for performance.
- Most survivors will have a lifetime of sexual abuse and programming in their history. Many groups train their toddlers and preschoolers to act as “black widows” who seduce and then kill individuals; or who infiltrate sex parties of the wealthy (where pedophilia is often rampant) to gather information about the participants.
- You can encourage the individual to write a letter to God, expressing to Him how they feel; to pray directly, sharing their despair with Him, and to spend time then asking Him to minister to their pain. The Holy Spirit is able to bring comfort and hope to the hopeless, regardless of the situation that has caused the despair, since Jesus experienced to the full everything – the agony of sin, loss and emotional pain – on the cross to redeem and heal these wounds.
- Being dropped rapidly (startle reflex)
- Being skinned alive
- Being burned
- Being drowned/suffocated/buried alive
- Rats chewing on the infant
- Bugs stinging the infant
- Prime bonds (people loved most) falling apart, or blood spurting out of, in agony
There are others. Entire terror lines are installed, with the purpose of controlling the survivor. These terrors are often encapsulated in the framework of a “hell” created by the programmers, with different levels playing out different terror scenarios (such as the internal parts being tied to a stake inside “hell level 2” and “demons” which originally were cult actors in infancy, and later are internal parts that took on this identity torturing the survivor by burning them alive).
At base level, fetal and infantile terror drive many punishment and recontact programs. This can be experienced as restless, the feeling that “something is wrong” and if the survivor continues to not recontact, can escalate to panic, then terror. Night terrors are common, since the survivor will be programmed with dreams of punishment and terror if they stop contact, or astrals may come to remind the survivor of the terrible fate awaiting them if they fail to recontact.
Core terror (the belief that the universe will fall apart and turn black, and all people the survivor loves will die, and they themselves will be “unmade” if they continue healing) makes it difficult for the survivor to face dismantling deep programmed beliefs and systems internally. The terror was installed for this very purpose.
The survivor will often feel as if they are “losing it”, “going psychotic” or “losing their mind, and can’t stand a single second more of this” as the dissociated emotions come forward. This is based upon programmed beliefs that if the survivor tries to dismantle their own programming, they will go insane; they may be given drugs, tech torture and setups to “prove” this belief.
They really are not losing their mind, but they will feel this way as the terror hits.
It can help to ground the survivor to here and now (feeling the ground beneath their feet, touching something soft, or warm, or cool; hearing music) when terror hits. Getting rid of the demonic that holds the programming in place (by repenting of the rituals and sacrifices performed before and after installation by the survivor to seal it in, and repenting of the agreement for installation) can also help.
Remind the survivor that they survived the event happening the first time, and they can survive remembering. Remind them that if they attempted to “break programming” in the lab (as programmers will tell them to do, in setups designed to make the survivor believe they cannot break programming without trauma), that it was a setup; that now, they have safety, prayer and support that they did not have during the setups.
Terror does decrease over time. The survivor will likely abreact some of the more terror-producing traumas, as internal parts come forward, seeking healing and relief from the awful reality that they experience inside. With support, prayer, and time, the LORD does heal these parts, and the survivor will experience fewer and weaker bouts of panic as they continue to heal.